From a 16 year old girl in India: I am having lots of problems being with my father that I think of hurting him and that I will never have my own life.
I’m writing this because I want to know what’s wrong with me as I have been having some problems with my father. It’s just that I don’t feel comfortable around him and I have always had this feeling that he doesn’t look at me as his daughter. He would always be staring at me while I am sleeping or alone and he would take every opportunity to touch me and when I want to do something or go out with my friends, he would either stop me from going out with my friends or he would always come with me. When I am with other people he would be really impatient and always call me out to stay with him, he would also grab my wrist when I came out from school and even if I tried to remove his hand he would never let go and he would always come to my room when I am alone or changing my clothes and he would always ruin my relationships with my friends and boyfriends.
Sometimes when he saw that I caught him staring at me he would ask me or talk about random stuffs. This has been going on for like more than 4 years but it has become more serious this year and I want to be free from him and have some privacy. This is too hard that thoughts like hurting him has cross through my mind and sometimes I would even think that even if he dies his ghost will haunt me or stay with me. He would never leave with me with anyone not even my mother or grandparents, he would always be behind me (stalking) even if I just went out to the gate for not even 1 minute.
I am afraid that he would be stalking me even if I cut ties with him or get married, I am too bothered to leave the house or even run away from home because he would be searching for me every second calling the police and everyone. He never let me do anything without him, for instance, going to the convenience store or even shopping for my underwears, So,I want to know if having thoughts like hurting him or thinking that I will never be free from him even when he dies as the thought that his ghost would haunt me or stay forever with me is normal
There is nothing wrong with you. It is absolutely normal for you to be upset by your father’s behavior. Unwanted touching, staring, trying to see you when you are undressed, and isolating you from friends are not normal fatherly behaviors. From your description, you have every right to be concerned. He is overly controlling and invading your reasonable boundaries for privacy. No child or teen should be this anxious about her safety in her own home.
I worry that years of this treatment has worn you and other family members down. Your father has everyone convinced there is nothing they can do to stop him. Guys like your dad rely on secrecy and fear. That’s what gives them power. The reality, though, is that your father cannot keep doing these things if you and other members of the family make it clear that it is not appropriate and that it will not be tolerated.
If you feel safe doing so, tell him clearly, very loudly, and repeatedly that you don’t like it. But it is not just up to you. Tell your mother and grandparents every single time he crosses your boundaries. The adults should be putting a stop to your father’s behavior. If your family won’t support you, please talk to your doctor, a school counselor, or another adult you trust and ask for help. If you can, make an appointment with a mental health counselor. Counselors often know what steps to take to make you safe.
Meanwhile, start quietly working on plans for leaving home as soon as you can. Do well in school so you can go on to university or so you can get a job at graduation that will let you move out. You’ll feel a bit better if you start taking some steps to get to safety.
I wish you well.
Source: Parenting & Children