By Alanna Vagianos
Kinky sex can be a bit intimidating: it includes everything from bondage to BDSM and role play. Fortunately, you don’t have to jump into a life of sadomasochism to try out kink (you totally can if you’d like, though).
HuffPost spoke with Babeland co-founder Claire Cavanah to get some tips for women who want to get into kink (also known as “kinky play”) but don’t really know where to start. Stepping outside of your comfort zone in the bedroom can be hard ― and, for women, sometimes even harder. After all, letting your sexual freak flag fly isn’t part of your average girlhood experience.
But, never fear, Cavanah said trying new things is natural to a person’s sexual development. “Novelty is fun,” she said. “We’re always growing and changing. You don’t reach the end of your sexual development unless you forget to keep going or you put an artificial limit on it.”
Cavanah’s first piece of advice to anyone new to kink is, well, you might like it. “I would start with accepting that you might be into it,” she said.
So, if you’re new to kinky play and don’t know where to start, scroll below to read a few handy tips for your next sexual escapade.
1. “Kinky sex” is different for everyone.
It’s a form of “playing,” Cavanah said. It’s everything that falls outside of the confines of having sex simply to orgasm, which means it can take many different forms. Kink is an umbrella term that includes everything from sadomasochism (SM) to bondage, fantasy, sensation and toy play.
SM is finding pleasure in inflicting pain or receiving pain from your partner, while bondage is when you tie your partner up or your partner ties you up for pleasure. To bring it back down a notch, Cavanah said, sometimes simply bringing a vibrator into your sex life with a partner can be kinky.
“Kinky is in the eye of the beholder,” Cavanah said. “It reflects what your values are and what you like to do.”
2. Communication, trust and consent are key.
Communication is key for any sexual activity, but it’s even more important when stepping outside of your sexual comfort zone. You should always have a full conversation with your partner about what you are and aren’t comfortable with.
“If you don’t take care of your inhibitions or your worries beforehand then you probably won’t have a very good experience,” Cavanah explained. “If you’re going to try this with your sweetheart ― even if you know them well and you’ve been with them a long time ― you still have to communicate what your limits are and how you will express those limits.”
Kinky is in the eye of the beholder.
3. Make sure you set boundaries beforehand.
If someone’s tying you up, you’ll probably want to be on the same page beforehand. Setting ground rules and boundaries (such as agreeing on a safe word) will be the difference between kink “working and not working” for you, Cavanah said.
One great way to start the boundaries conversation? Try out lists like the “Yes/No/Maybe” list, Cavanah said. The list comes in different variations depending on the sexual escapades you’re looking for. The list is an exercise you and your partner can use to see what you both like and don’t like and what you’re willing to try.
“It’s a really great conversation starter and it’s very illuminating about where you and your partner’s desires overlap,” she said. …
Source: National Coalition for Sexual Freedom