A Supportive Guide to Navigating Sexual Changes in Your 50s
By Dr. Shawn Oak, Ph.D., LMFT, CCS
Certified Clinical Sexologist | Relationship & Sexual Health Specialist
Introduction
Midlife marks a profound transformation in a woman’s life—physically, emotionally, and sexually. For many, the 50s bring shifts in desire, arousal, and orgasmic capacity that can feel confusing, frustrating, or even shame-inducing. This guide affirms one powerful truth:
Your erotic self is evolving—not disappearing.
Whether you’re navigating menopause, relational shifts, or body image changes, this guide offers support, education, and tools for reconnecting with your pleasure.
Understanding Midlife Sexual Changes
Common Physical Factors:
- Hormonal Shifts: Declines in estrogen and testosterone may affect libido, lubrication, and
sensitivity. - Vaginal Atrophy: Thinning of vaginal tissue can cause discomfort or pain during sex.
- Delayed Arousal: More time, touch, and mental presence are often needed to become fully aroused.
- Orgasmic Changes: Orgasms may become weaker, less frequent, or more difficult to reach.
Psychological & Emotional Contributors:
- Anxiety, depression, or grief
- Changes in body image or self-worth
- Past trauma or unresolved sexual pain
- Cultural beliefs about aging and sexuality
Normalizing the Experience
It is normal to:
- Need more time to feel aroused
- Prefer different types of stimulation
- Feel uncertain about what turns you on now
- Miss how things “used to be” while still wanting to explore something new
- You are not alone—and you are not broken
Reconnecting With Your Erotic Self
Step 1: Reclaim Body Awareness
- Self-touch without goal: Explore your body with curiosity.
- Use a mirror: Look at your genitals and name three things you appreciate.
- Daily affirmation: “This body is worthy of love and pleasure at every age.”
Step 2: Redefine Arousal
- Mental Arousal Matters: Explore fantasy, erotic literature, or guided audio.
- Try New Tools: Vibrators, suction toys, or warming lubricants can be game-changers.
- Extend Foreplay: Think of arousal as a slow simmer, not a sprint.
If You’re in a Relationship
Open Communication Is Key:
- Say: “I need more time to get in the mood now.”
- Say: “This is what feels good to me lately.”
- Schedule intentional sensual time—without performance pressure.
Non-Penetrative Intimacy Ideas:
- Mutual massage
- Skin-to-skin cuddling
- Oral and manual stimulation
- Showering or bathing together
When to Seek Professional Support
Consider working with a professional if:
- You feel distressed or ashamed about your sexual changes
- You avoid sex out of fear, discomfort, or confusion
- Your relationship is strained due to sexual disconnection
- You want to deepen pleasure but feel “stuck”
Support options:
- Certified Sex Therapist (AASECT, LMFT, etc.)
- Pelvic Floor Physical Therapist
- Menopause Specialist or GYN
- Medical review of medications (SSRIs, BP meds, etc.)
Self-Reflection Prompts
1. What has changed about my relationship with my body in the past 10 years?
2. What do I miss about my sexual self—and what do I want to rediscover?
3. What kinds of touch or stimulation do I find enjoyable now?
4. What fears, myths, or beliefs might be holding me back from deeper pleasure?
Closing Encouragement
You are entering a powerful stage of life—a time of reclamation, wisdom, and sensual
possibility. Your pleasure may not look the same, but it is still yours. Trust your instincts. Be patient with your body. And remember:
“Pleasure is not a relic of youth—it is the reward of knowing yourself deeply.”